Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
