life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
