drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
