lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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