Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize