I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
