do herpes really smell.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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