i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
