piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
