How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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