Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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