Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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