I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
