I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
