idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
