I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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