Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize