I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
