You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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