Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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