he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
