No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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