I cannot find my penis.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
