he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
