Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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