Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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