On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize