I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
