So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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