Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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