I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
