why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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