Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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