I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
