Your mouth is God's brothel.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
