You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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