He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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