listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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