Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
