Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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