While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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