I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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