oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You can't just leave with hair like that
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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