Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize