You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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