tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
