dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
