Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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