Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
