Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Quick, to the slutcave!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
