Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The air was thick with penises
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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