I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize