I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
