What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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