Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize