Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
