hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So much Jack, so little girl.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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