it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
