i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
