something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
