So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
