My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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