Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
