I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
