that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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