oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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