there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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