doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
