I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
