I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
