The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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