i need an iv and a liver transplant
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it's like iHOP with fire
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
