we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
