he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize