Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
