how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Life is so much better after having sex.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
