I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
