yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
