if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
