We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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