he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize