Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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