Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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