so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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