dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize