i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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