Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
