Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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