ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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