my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
