I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
