Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
