can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
