I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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