these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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