They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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