u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
