last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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