Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
