youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
