I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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