i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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