who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
we're so committed to being not committed
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