I think I died a long time ago.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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